Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
