I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.