3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
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Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it