so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
