I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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