Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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