i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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