I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
