hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
