My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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