I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
