mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
