if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
