I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
