Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
