my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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