when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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