I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
