I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
