Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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