She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
