Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
