His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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