i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
