is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
