I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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