So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
