All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
