Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize