I look better un-naked...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
