I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
