I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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