I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
