I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize