i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
