Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
