My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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