So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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