Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
