i wish my penis had a tongue
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
