I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
