If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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