I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
