I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
