I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
