so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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