Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
