Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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