She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
