I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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