Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
