I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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