K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
