Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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