this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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