our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
