she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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