I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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