I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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