after a month anything with tits is on the radar
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
