i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
