How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
