stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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