Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
