dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
