The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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