she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
