Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
