Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
